The start to my weekend

So, this weekend is my 30th birthday (I am old). But that is not what I'm thinking about right now. Tomorrow morning I head out bright and early to the OBGYN (happy birthday to me) I am not anxious exactly, but contemplative I guess. If you know me at all, you can probably guess that my obgyn and I have a long and frustrating history. But I love him, and wouldn't go to anyone else unless forced. He is great, and is just nice. In a world of delegation, he is personal, he asks about my kids by name, and when things were at their worst, he called me personally to see how I was. Not many Drs would do that.

Here is my issue. I had a son 16 months ago, and never went on any type of birth control. And well, obviously I'm not pregnant yet. Before Jonah we had begun to go thru infertility testing and the next step was Clomid. Personally, Ian and I wouldn't go any further than that. But in the last 16 months, I dont think I have been ovulating. Usually I hurt and have other signs that I am, btu no more. My cycle had shrunk to about 20 days and lasted about a week and a half (fun). So I was put on meds to stretch it out for three months, and by the end it wasn't even working anymore. I finally settled at a 24 day cycle, and of course this week, I hurt as I do when ovulating. Of course right before I go to the Dr.

So, I'm wondering this. I DO want to be pregnant again. But where do we leave off? How long will he want me to try before doing anything? What will be done since I can get pregnant it just takes years and years? My dr seems to hesitate before doing anything huge (which I know is for the best) But I'm 30 now, I cant wait all that much longer. I guess I will find out tomorrow, I just have to get up the courage to ask all of this.

I found this poem on a blog, and I thought I'd share, I'm not sad about anything now, just thought it reflected my lifer somewhat

"I have been fertile and yet infertile; a mom and yet not a mom. I have children who fill my heart and home and angels who fill my dreams and fuel the misty eyed wondering of what might have been." -unknown