2009 in review

So, I thought I'd go back and talk about my 2009, the roses and the thorns
JANUARY- Nathan had his tonsils and adenoids removed, A rose for better sleeping eating habits, a thorn for the horrible recovery
My older kids turned 7 and 4, a ROSE for them getting older, a THORN for me missing their party because Jonah was in the hospital.
Jonah running a 103 fever at three months- A ROSE for the diarhea that finally gave the drs a new symptom (never though I'd be thankful for the runs) and for Nurse Ursula for taking him under her wing and making sure he was admitted. A THORN for having to see my baby lethargic and unresponsive.

FEBRUARY- I turned 29 a ROSE for the magical day of fun Ian planned, massages, new books, mani-pedi, new ipod, a THORN for the awful Bissel Mansion Dinner Theater we went to with friends, the friends were great, the food and activities were not.

MARCH- My dads birthday, ROSE for us kids finally buying his lunch, another ROSE for the 4 Wiis he bought us!

APRIL- A ROSE for my nephew Cody turning 1

MAY-Ian and I celebrated 9 years of marriage A ROSE for the good times and a THORN for the hard times

JUNE- Ian, Jonah, and I spent a week in Pennsylvania, A ROSE for me running up the stairs like Rocky, a THORN for Ian hating the original Philly Cheesesteak that we drove to the hood to buy.

JULY- Lots of Summer time ROSES- My Grandpas surprise 80th birthday party, my cousins moving to town, Jonah sitting up from the floor, and a weekend float trip in the rain with friends. A THORN for my last time nursing Jonah

AUGUST- A ROSE for the kids starting school, and THORN for the poor girls assigned to my soccer team

SEPTEMBER-A ROSE for Ian heading off to India, a ThORN for me having to be a single parent for 1 1/2 weeks. Another THORN for the H1N1 virus hitting our family.

OCTOBER-A ROSE for Ian turning 30, another ROSE for Jonah turning 1

NOVEMBER- A ROSE for our big trip to Disney, we had so much fun.

DECEMBER- A ROSE for all the friends and family we spent time with, a THORN for the stomach flu which kept us home from the staff Christmas Party.

I have had a great year! Can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for us.

Nathan

So, this is really quick, but I needed to write it down someplace before I forgot, and it's slightly too risque for a status update. we all had the stomach flu this week. Nathan had it last. Both ends to put it politely. So, Nathan goes into to bathroom and starts yelling, "uh mom? There's bacon in here. MOM there's bacon in here! mom bacon." I was very confused until I walked into the bathroom to see him looking at his underwear. That's right folks, he was talking about poop streaks in his underwear. We call them bacon strips. He apparently feels comfortable enough with them to give them a nickname. Bacon. Oh the life of a 4 year old.

I've got nothing to put here

Well, I hope my mom doesn't read this because she will be really disappointed in me. I think I may be done watching the Young and the Restless. I have watched this show for 15+ years. All the ups and down, the illigitamat children, the big dramatic weddings, and the theme song from Ice Castles playing everytime Nikki and Victor get back together. I still have a season pass on my DVR, but I hardly ever watch it. I read the spoilers on the internet, so I know what happens, and I think I'm just over it. Maybe it's because nothing good is really going on. Maybe because I'm busy with three kids, but no matter what, it's slowly getting out of my system. It makes me sad, I have seen many babies be born then disappear for a year to boarding school and come back adults. Many villans go to jail, and come back to be the hero just when you need it, and many babies being switched at birth. MAybe I've just had my fill. I think I'm getting old.

Two years ago

Two years ago this week I lost a baby. It was my third to have lost. It was just as awful as the others. We learned after the first not to announce anything right away, so we waited until my blood work had come in. It looked perfect. So we told everyone we knew. Even a stranger at McDonalds. You see, we had been trying for three years, and it had finally happened. We were so excited. Grace was thrilled, and Nathan was oblivious as always. Then when I was about 6-8 weeks along I started bleeding, and my heart just fell through the floor. I had been there before. Ian came home and we drove over to the Drs. The ultrasound showed a sac but no baby. I was very thankful for that. To see a baby with no heartbeat would have been worse. The dr said not to lose hope, it could still be okay, and he sent us home to wait out the weekend and have more bloodwork done on Monday. So we did. It didnt get better. They (whoever "they" are) say moms just know. I did know. It was over. Nothing I could do could change what had happened. I told Ian we needed to tell Grace, so she would have the weekend to deal with it. She was worried she would have to tell her class what had happened. I told her I would email her teacher. We went back for more bloodwork and it showed that I was right, it was gone, I just had to wait for my body to expel (I hate that word) the tissue (baby). Then I went to work Tuesday and noticed that out of nowhere I would get really tired, like almost fall asleep standing up. I tried to take my blood pressure at my moms, but it was so low it wouldn't even register, then I stopped for gas on the way home and it was like all of a sudden a flood began (sorry) I rushed home and called the dr, and he said to come right over, but not to drive myself in case my blood pressure dropped anymore. Ian came home and we went over and met my mom at the hos so she could keep the kids. He said I had a few options. 1 go home and deliver on my own, 2 a d&c which is a surgical procedure that meant we could not try for 3 months, or 3 an in house procedure where they took a large (12-18) in 1-2 inch wide syringe and tried to get it out themselves. They warned me that it hurt and I couldn't take anything. Ian left it up to me, and I wanted it to be over. I didnt want to go home and scare the kids by having this drag out. I also didnt want to have to flush my baby down the toilet. So, I was laying on the table holding my hands over my chest when the very nice nurse looked at Ian and said, Hold her hand! Like she was scolding him. I almost laughed out loud. It did hurt, but it was over. I got on meds to slow the bleeding and we were sent home again. To start trying again.

3 months later we found out I was pregnant again. We told no one until I was showing and people started guessing. I went in for my first ultrasound and the office didnt have it on the schedule. I was getting ready to freak out. There was no way I could wait any longer to see it. The nurse that was with us during the procedure saw us, and immediatly took care of it, we went back, and my dr actually was able to do the ultrasound. He was wonderful. I freaked out a little because I couldn't see the heartbeat right away, so he zeroed in on it, measure everything, and said that nothing could be better. 7 months later 9lb 12 oz Jonah was born.

After it happened I thought a lot about why. Questions that I though only God had the answers to. Then a few weeks later a friend came to me and told me his daughter (also a friend) had lost a baby over the weekend. He said that no one knew, but He wanted to tell me because he thought no one could love her like I could right then. And then I knew. Ian and I had to go through it to show others that you can get through it. that it doesn't have to destroy you. That it changes you forever, but you are a better person for it. That God sweeps you up into his arms and doesn't let go. That your faith in HIm, in the idea that God does all things for your good is true. That girl was not the first. Several of our close friends went through this not long after we did. And we were able to be there for them. And I can honestly say although it sounds stupid. That I would rather go through it again then have someone I lover have to go through it once. I know it sounds crazy, but I know there is a light at the end, and you can make it through.

Well, this was a lot longer than I thought it would be, and thankfully for you, I did do a little editing, but there you have it. And in case you are wondering, I am fine. It is weird. Even though this is the week, it's the few weeks before that bother me, just the thought that it is coming. Then it gets here, and it's not so bad.

p.s. there are a few songs that are really great dealing with this. Glory Baby By Watermark, and one you all know, You Never Let Go. By Matt Redmon. He and his wife write it after their 3rd miscarriage. both great songs

The Momma Bear Instinct

This is Grace. Yes, I know she is beautiful. You don't have to tell me. She is also sweet, sensitive, smart, a good friend, a great sister, patient, kind, generous, imaginative, fun, and a whole list of other things that would make this post too long. A long story short, I love her to pieces. And I would do anything for her. Even punch that little, bratty, ugly, snotty girl right in the face....but I digress. As long as I'm being honest, Grace is not perfect. In fact, far from it. But she does have a tender heart that is easily hurt. And it was hurt yesterday. And the Momma bear is rearing its ugly head. I consider myself to be a fairly levelheaded person. Not prone to overreaction or tears. But you touch my child or hurt them in anyway, you better be prepared to suffer the storm. I have even been known to chase little kids on bikes with my car at the age of 17 to defend my sister Holly when she was called fat by a girl in our neighborhood (not my best moment)

ANYWAY!!! Grace left for school in tears today saying she didnt like it, so I knew something had happened. Then I got home and told Ian to which he replied, "That mean girl Sharon*, started a club a recess and invited all of their friends, but told Grace she couldn't be in it." Then the red flush started creeping up my neck until it was all I could see. How can someone be so hurtful? They are only 7 for crying out loud. Who even thinks of keeping 1 kids out of a club? A mean girl that's who. I don't like it, not one bit. So I emailed her teacher, and a friend of mine who's daughter is in the club to ask if she had heard anything. I know why she did it. Grace and her best friend are having a joint birthday party and she is jealous. Even though she is invited (I may need to change the guest list) Grace and this girl have been best friends since the 1st day of kindergarten. And Sharon just doesn't like it. They never leave her out, but it is obvious who are the best friends. It just burns my gut for someone to be so mean to my girl. Now having been a little girl once myself, I know I have done similar things, and I KNOW I have felt just like Grace does today. I also know that girls are fickle, and it will probably all be resolved by the end of today, but until I know it is, I am furious. And so, you all are lucky enough to get to hear my rant. And let this be a lesson to you all, dont mess with the momma. I don't bring her out much, but watch out when I do....no one is safe. I need to come up with a cool biker chick name for her.


* Name changed to protect myself just in case