The start to my weekend

So, this weekend is my 30th birthday (I am old). But that is not what I'm thinking about right now. Tomorrow morning I head out bright and early to the OBGYN (happy birthday to me) I am not anxious exactly, but contemplative I guess. If you know me at all, you can probably guess that my obgyn and I have a long and frustrating history. But I love him, and wouldn't go to anyone else unless forced. He is great, and is just nice. In a world of delegation, he is personal, he asks about my kids by name, and when things were at their worst, he called me personally to see how I was. Not many Drs would do that.

Here is my issue. I had a son 16 months ago, and never went on any type of birth control. And well, obviously I'm not pregnant yet. Before Jonah we had begun to go thru infertility testing and the next step was Clomid. Personally, Ian and I wouldn't go any further than that. But in the last 16 months, I dont think I have been ovulating. Usually I hurt and have other signs that I am, btu no more. My cycle had shrunk to about 20 days and lasted about a week and a half (fun). So I was put on meds to stretch it out for three months, and by the end it wasn't even working anymore. I finally settled at a 24 day cycle, and of course this week, I hurt as I do when ovulating. Of course right before I go to the Dr.

So, I'm wondering this. I DO want to be pregnant again. But where do we leave off? How long will he want me to try before doing anything? What will be done since I can get pregnant it just takes years and years? My dr seems to hesitate before doing anything huge (which I know is for the best) But I'm 30 now, I cant wait all that much longer. I guess I will find out tomorrow, I just have to get up the courage to ask all of this.

I found this poem on a blog, and I thought I'd share, I'm not sad about anything now, just thought it reflected my lifer somewhat

"I have been fertile and yet infertile; a mom and yet not a mom. I have children who fill my heart and home and angels who fill my dreams and fuel the misty eyed wondering of what might have been." -unknown

10 in 10

Well, my friend Elise tagged be to blog about where I will be in 10 years. So here ya go!
1-It will be the week before I turn 40, so hopefully I will be taking those last few minutes to make fun of Ian for being 40 when I'm still 39
2-I will have a child a senior in High school, a freshman, and an 11 year old as of now. I would like to add 2-3 more kids in that time. I would like to be pregnant again, but that sometimes doesnt go well for me, so we shall see. I really want to adopt from India, and am looking forward to that journey
3-I hope to still be at Cornerstone, but in a different house, this one will not hold that many more kids
4-I hope I can look back and see the journey to understanding Christ that my kids go through.
5-I want to still be as small as I am now, still pre baby weight, although if we won the lottery, I wouldnt say no to a boob job, and a tummy tuck :)
6-I want to go overseas at least 2-3 times by then (India definitley)
7-I can see Ian still complaining that I'm not a good housekeeper, so again, if we win the lottery I would get a maid in the next 10 years
8- I want to be a volunteer at church, if not work there maybe as a receptionist, but DEFINITELY not as Ians secretary (can you say divorce??)
9-I will own my own library by then, and will lend out books to anyone who needs one
10- I hope I still love Jesus and depend on him more than I do now. I know the getting there may mean hard things, but having already gone through hard things, it pulls you closer to HIM

SO there you have it, 10 things I hope I will be doing in 10 years